I have been dreaming of a repeated scenario for years. In those dreams, I starved my small pets, like ducks, chicks, hamsters, and silkworms, by leaving them alone in cages for a long, long time. I have no idea why I didn’t put enough food or water, nor did I get home early. I haven’t seen any dead bodies, and animals just disappeared or shrunken. Some strongest individuals were still alive, and they even reproduced broods. But newborns were so tiny and deformed as they suffered malnutrition.
I always woke up with deep regret and anxiety, and then I gradually returned to reality: I’d never had such an experience in real life, as I’d never hungry my pets. It’s a great relief once I realize that, unlike in dreams, I have the ability to not forget anything about my pets when I am awake.
Why do I keep having these dreams? Why do I so scared of starving my pets? What is the reason behind it? Is there something that my subconscious wants to tell me? People say the root of all fears is the fear of death. Maybe I project myself to those animals, which are dependent, vulnerable, caged, and can only entrust their lives to some irresponsible people or some unpredictable God’s will. I identify with them, just like I am living an unsustainable life, Knowing nothing about tomorrow. Sometimes when I get trapped in worrying about the uncertain future, I smooth myself and say: “well, even though our life has ups and downs, at least there is no one starved, and never will be.”
(Also posted on Medium: https://medium.com/@sleepycoffee/dont-strave-i-mean-it-e0e812ca1b0c)